I always felt like people can love more than one person at a time and that we love people in unique ways. I loved one of my exes for his stature and his wisdom, another one for his drive and perfectionist attitude, and another for his wit and intelligence. Loving them each uniquely gave way to different avenues of how I decipher love as well as my route to personal development.
Just because you love your mom for her intelligence, doesn’t mean you can’t love your dad for his discipline. What we tend to love about others are traits we need in our own lives. Those traits fill character holes and guide us on our journey in life. Mom’s intelligence teaches manners that tell you to keep your elbows off the table. Dad’s discipline made sure you came home right after school and kept you off the streets. We love what impacts us and fosters growth. If no one in your life can teach you at least one thing, then evaluate who you’re around and get new people to learn from.
I Learned Love From My Past.
My past played a big role in my journey of self-love. From my first ex, I learned physical expression. Meeting him in high school would contribute to that. That ever-known “look but don’t touch” rule looms over high school days. Honestly, we did everything but have actual sex. That’s probably why my main love language is physical touch. My family and I didn’t really embrace each other so I got that from him. To this day, it bothers me if I’m with my boyfriend and don’t get some kind of touch of acknowledgment or reassurance. Just a knee squeeze every so often that says “I see you and I love you.”
From my second ex, I learned how to prioritize. This was a little after high school. He wasn’t working for much of the time we were together. I had two jobs and held it down for both of us at one point. I like shopping but having a phone and being able to contact people was important to me so I made sure that the bill was ALWAYS paid.
When he got a job, I learned the hard way where his priorities were. He had the money for other things but not to get his security license renewed. That was a major turn-off. While his stature and looks commanded attention in any room he walked into, it’s your intelligence that keeps that attention. He was easy on the eyes but hard on my heart.
Finally, my third ex taught me to be ambitious and to prioritize self-love. Neither of my other two exes had a degree but my last ex did. I didn’t have a degree when I met my last ex but I didn’t let that intimidate me. I wanted to measure up to him so I got up off my ass and got my associate’s degree in early childhood education.
The l-oveLesson
The lesson I got from my last ex was a harsh lesson to learn. I was enamored with that guy. In blind, sick, persevering love. The thing about love is it’s deep like an ocean. Once you think you’ve seen all of it, there’s more to uncover. One can only go so deep in the ocean before the pressure overwhelms you or you run out of air. Love can truly leave you breathless and feeling overwhelmed if you don’t know how to handle its depths.
With a love language of physical touch, I knew of the surface and I had read and heard many tales of another one of many forms that love can take. Love is also a sword. Holding that sword is liable to have you cut yourself in half or make you twice as strong. My last ex gave me a real feel of that ocean and the repercussions of holding that sword. I learned that when it comes to love the only one worth fighting for is yourself.