Gold

Love can be disastrous when heartbreak rings true.
The award for the true artist who sold me lies has to go out to you.
All isn’t forgiven but there’s some things you don’t forget.
I write these words to save myself from being overcome with regret.
You weren’t hard to grab but you were hard to hold.
Something my barren mind couldn’t grasp like a newfound block of gold.
Hot when you desired me and cold when upset.
Since heat melts ice the chill was something I’d let myself forget.
Only sometimes cause some lines you spoke were everything I wanted to hear.
So much it took to learn that was only when you wanted me near.
You created the distance between our souls with each word you muttered.
The love was a sweet treat but the hate was salt lightly buttered.
So much so I barely recognized how your comments broke me down.
Honesty in the fourth degree with no consideration to be found.
See you’d tell me that you loved me and I’d be over the moon.
Then you’d say something fucked up in between the lines and I’d been back to earth by noon.
Validation wasn’t required but genuine love was my need.
So yes you were gold to me but my sin was never greed.
I wanted you to live up to every promise that you gave.
But expertly you made me drown in shattered words so you could swoop in for the save.
Reality hit like a wave and my brave resilience became bruised.
You sold me on your needs until I realized I was being used.
I wasn’t used to the way you moved and though you warned me I was still taken back.
With nothing left but memories to cling onto to divert a heart attack.
What was attacked was broken by the silly game you played.
What isn’t bruised is battered down in my eyes by the length of time I stayed.
I swayed left and right on us so many times it should have been a clue.
To never deal with someone flaky no matter how much they claim to love you.
This lesson learned at this age had me feeling immature.
And all the ways you broke me down had me feeling insecure.
So now I pick my pieces up and make art the best way I know how.
The real gold is being in your element and living in the now.